"You have PORN in your living room."

Contrary to what you thought, you had very low self-esteem. You weren't honest with yourself about this. I tried to be supportive. I told you that you were pretty. I was kind to you. All that shit.

But you told me that I had porn in my living room. I was like, "What??? What are you talking about?" I keep a nice, respectable looking house. (I keep any and all twisted shit hidden and out of sight). When I pressed, you whipped out a G.Q. magazine with Jessica Alba on the cover and some Maxim magazines out of a magazine holder next to my couch where they had been for months and threw them at me. "Here! See? PORN!!! In your living room!!!"

I was almost speechless. I've never heard of GQ & Maxim being considered "porn" before.

You really think that GQ & the like is porn??? What kind of crack are you smoking? Didn't mommy and daddy hug you enough? I'm sorry if dad didn't pay enough attention to you. Please don't take this out on me.

This should have been a LOUD and CLEAR signal to me. I should have gotten in my white Bronco and rode away from there like OJ, but it was at my house.

Listen, it's a good thing you didn't find any real porn. It can strain a relationship to try and explain the entertainment value of some good quality, gross out, disgusting porn.

You either get it or you don't.

To someone that thinks GQ is porn, how the hell would they classify something like "2 Girls, 1 Cup", or geriatric midget porn?

Now...please don't think that I get off on that kind of shit. I don't. I really don't. Those are just examples of things I find sick and funny, not arousing in any way. And I think its amusing to show it to unsuspecting people.

Like I said, you either get it or you don't.

PS-If you've read this far, why not go the extra step? Go search for "Kermit the Frog reacts to 2 girls one cup" on Youtube. That's some funny shit, too.

Coming soon....a little about me. A personal Bio